Every now and then I will be driving down the road and think of something so ridiculously witty and on point that I cannot wait to get home to write it out. Then I get home and life. Suffice it to say, today was one of those days. I have absolutely no idea what it was that I wanted to share with the world, but imagine it was terribly insightful and hilarious and then thank me for having a profound impact on your life.
Now that we have that out of the way, I feel the need to actually share something with my adoring audience. (Hi, hubby!)
But, I’ve got nothing. Absolutely, nothing. Which strangely sums up my life as of late. There is so much going on all the time, almost too much, yet I have the feeling that I am only spinning my wheels. Maybe this is what it feels like to be a stay-at-home-mom and homeschool teacher. I’m still learning, so I could be wrong. I don’t recall reading any labels about being a SAHM that said Caution: May Invoke Feelings of Inability to Accomplish Anything. Were they there and I was ignoring them?
I cannot be the only one that feels this way, can I? Am I?
The realization is ever present of how blessed I am to be able to stay home with our children, to not only take care of their everyday needs, but to also learn them a thing or two… or everything they need to know to be productive and responsible adults. Wow. I am blessed. But I am also a wreck.
My mind has been scrambled, like the image of the eggs, “This is your brain. This is your brain with 3 kids.” Down is up and up is to the left and I think I forgot to put the load of clothes in the dryer. 3 days ago.
My body is in shambles. Yeah, I don’t really want to go there. Big sigh. You know what 3 kids has brought me? 25 to 30 extra pounds. Thanks, kids. And the ability to carry 100 pounds worth of babies and bags in a single leap. Plus a sore back.
My house. Hm.
My clothes. Stained and bigger than I’d like them to be.
My car. Old, noisy, and filthy.
My entertainment. Cartoons, cartoons, and cartoons. Seriously. Even when they are all asleep and the man is not around, I find myself watching cartoons. The Jungle Book is currently playing. I chose it.
My personal time. Limited.
My life. Wonderful.
My heart. Full.
My worth. Endless.
My family. Priceless.
Growing and educating a family is not about meeting deadlines. This is something I need to be reminded of at times, because before children, I worked in a world where every single project had a deadline. And people counted on me to meet those deadlines. Now I work for little monsters who only understand “right now” and I’ve been commissioned to train and prepare them for Eternity. The thing about that is, I do not know when this deadline will be. So, I’ll spin my wheels. I’ll leave those clothes in the washing machine one more day (don’t judge). I’ll focus on my family’s emotional and spiritual needs and feel as if I’m accomplishing nothing, all the while knowing that every single thing I say and do adds to or takes from their well-being. Even the things I don’t say or do.
I’ll continue to feel inadequate, because how could I possibly be fit to do this kind of job? Yet, it is precisely this kind of job that I was created for, so I am the exact person to do it. Mistakes will happen, forgiveness will be sought, love will increase, wisdom will be obtained, and I still will not be able to remember what I originally wanted to write about.
~Lisa
~Lisa
