1. Do not ask: Are you pregnant?
Just don't. Do not ever ask any woman if she is pregnant. Because if you do, it will go one of two ways. Either, she is pregnant and feeling very self-conscious about her weight gain and you've just validated that she is GETTING HUGE. Or, the other obvious scenario, she is NOT pregnant and you've just told her she looks pregnant. Not nice.
So, what are your options if you think someone is pregnant? Only one will suffice, sit it out and wait for either a pregnancy reveal, an undeniable pregnant belly (this occurs literally seconds before the baby is born, do not assume anything until then), or, you know, an actual newborn baby in her arms.
2. Do not have this conversation: Asks... How far along are you? (Hears answer) Replies... Oh.
The question is just fine. It shows you are interested in her and her baby's life. The reply is not appropriate. Oh. Oh what? Ohhhh, there is no way you are only X number of weeks along, because you look like you are about to bust? Ohhhh, if that is how big you are half way through your pregnancy, you are going to need a bigger vehicle to get around 15 weeks from now? Ohhhh, you look too small to be almost done with your pregnancy?
Okay, this is what you are doing. You are telling her she is going to have a 15 pound baby and will have nightmares about it for the rest of her life. You are calling her fat. You are telling her that her baby is too small and will have all sorts of developmental issues because she isn't eating "enough". You really should just say, "Oh, that's wonderful. You look great."
3. Do not ask: Are you sure you aren't having twins?
Come on now. Use some common sense here. Because if you are tempted to ask that to the wrong pregnant lady, you just might regret not listening to me.
4. Do not touch the belly.
If you don't have the right to touch her belly when she isn't pregnant, you for sure do not have the right to touch it now that she is pregnant. Personal space, please. I could go on and on about this, and I have multiple times, but I will leave this here.
5. Do not say: You look tired!
I'm sure I have been guilty of this, and if I have said this to any of you, I apologize. Honestly, though, no one wants to be told they look tired. Even if they haven't slept in 3 days.
6. Do not say: You think you are tired now, just wait until the baby comes.
She is tired now. Let her be. If you cannot fix the situation, then don't make her feel worse. There is a good chance she already knows she will be even more tired once the baby comes.
7. Do not ask: You know what causes that, right?
Um, yes. Yes, most people know what causes it. Even if they hadn't planned to get pregnant, they know what caused the pregnancy. They especially know what causes it if they already have, let's say, 7 other children.
8. Do say: You look wonderful.
Okay, don't lie. If they don't look wonderful, just say hi.
9. Do ask: How are you feeling?
It shows you are concerned about her well-being and is a nice gesture. An even better gesture would be paying for all her children's future college educations, but that may not be possible for you at this time.
10. Do ask: Do you know if the baby is a boy or girl?
And express your excitement for whatever their answer is. Even if they plan on waiting to find out when the baby is born, most all women want to talk about the baby's gender.
11. Do: Let the pregnant lady have your seat.
If she refuses, then she just may need to stand for a bit. But, boy, I tell ya, people are not as considerate as they used to be. Younger people used to give older people their seats, men used to give women their seats, and those who were capable of standing on their own used to give pregnant ladies their seats. Not any more.
12. Do: Tell her you are praying for her and the baby.
And really do pray for them. Pray for their health, their safety, and their future.
13. Do: Help whenever you can.
We all need help from time to time. Be ready and willing to give a hand. You'll feel good about helping out and she'll feel your love and concern.
14. Do not: Ask her to remember anything.
Seriously, anything. Pregnancy brain is a real thing. If it is important for her to remember, send a text, an email, a Facebook message, a letter, a telegram, a carrier pigeon. Something in written form, preferably with a continual alarm or alert until she no longer needs to store that information in her brain.
15. Do: Love her.
She is doing something amazing. She is growing and nurturing a child and will soon introduce him or her to this world. While it is definitely not miraculous and definitely not unique to her, it is still wonderful. And it still takes its toll on her body and her mind.
16. Do: Give her chocolate.
Lots of chocolate.
17. If you are her husband, Do: Everything for her.
Everything. Let her just stay in bed sleeping and reading all day.
Okay, maybe those last 2 are not so subliminal messages from me to my husband. ;) It was worth a shot.
~Lisa
