Feeling Adequately Inadequate

Every now and then I will be driving down the road and think of something so ridiculously witty and on point that I cannot wait to get home to write it out. Then I get home and life. Suffice it to say, today was one of those days. I have absolutely no idea what it was that I wanted to share with the world, but imagine it was terribly insightful and hilarious and then thank me for having a profound impact on your life.

Now that we have that out of the way, I feel the need to actually share something with my adoring audience. (Hi, hubby!)

But, I’ve got nothing. Absolutely, nothing. Which strangely sums up my life as of late. There is so much going on all the time, almost too much, yet I have the feeling that I am only spinning my wheels. Maybe this is what it feels like to be a stay-at-home-mom and homeschool teacher. I’m still learning, so I could be wrong. I don’t recall reading any labels about being a SAHM that said Caution: May Invoke Feelings of Inability to Accomplish Anything. Were they there and I was ignoring them?

I cannot be the only one that feels this way, can I? Am I?

The realization is ever present of how blessed I am to be able to stay home with our children, to not only take care of their everyday needs, but to also learn them a thing or two… or everything they need to know to be productive and responsible adults. Wow. I am blessed. But I am also a wreck.

My mind has been scrambled, like the image of the eggs, “This is your brain. This is your brain with 3 kids.” Down is up and up is to the left and I think I forgot to put the load of clothes in the dryer. 3 days ago.

My body is in shambles. Yeah, I don’t really want to go there. Big sigh. You know what 3 kids has brought me? 25 to 30 extra pounds. Thanks, kids. And the ability to carry 100 pounds worth of babies and bags in a single leap. Plus a sore back.

My house. Hm.

My clothes. Stained and bigger than I’d like them to be.

My car. Old, noisy, and filthy.

My entertainment. Cartoons, cartoons, and cartoons. Seriously. Even when they are all asleep and the man is not around, I find myself watching cartoons. The Jungle Book is currently playing. I chose it.

My personal time. Limited.

My life. Wonderful.

My heart. Full.

My worth. Endless.

My family. Priceless.

Growing and educating a family is not about meeting deadlines. This is something I need to be reminded of at times, because before children, I worked in a world where every single project had a deadline. And people counted on me to meet those deadlines. Now I work for little monsters who only understand “right now” and I’ve been commissioned to train and prepare them for Eternity. The thing about that is, I do not know when this deadline will be. So, I’ll spin my wheels. I’ll leave those clothes in the washing machine one more day (don’t judge). I’ll focus on my family’s emotional and spiritual needs and feel as if I’m accomplishing nothing, all the while knowing that every single thing I say and do adds to or takes from their well-being. Even the things I don’t say or do.

I’ll continue to feel inadequate, because how could I possibly be fit to do this kind of job? Yet, it is precisely this kind of job that I was created for, so I am the exact person to do it. Mistakes will happen, forgiveness will be sought, love will increase, wisdom will be obtained, and I still will not be able to remember what I originally wanted to write about.

~Lisa

Child

My sweet girl does so many wonderful things everyday. I'll post some of it on Facebook throughout the week, but it takes a lot of restraint not to tell everyone all the time how smart and sweet and silly she is. She really is amazing. Yes, I know, all mommies feel their children are amazing. I see nothing wrong with that. ;) What are some amazing things your children do or have done in the past?

This week girlie A has decided her favorite saying is "What's that? It sounds like... noise." It doesn't matter what it is, a truck outside, the tv, a car horn, it is all noise. Daddy snoring. All noise. At least she is right. Some of the things she comes up with really surprise me. The imaginations of children are amazing.

The husband and I are expecting our 2nd child in a few months and little girl is so excited about it all. She loves to hug and talk and sing to mommy's belly and will practice comforting her "babies". I am looking forward to seeing how she reacts to her baby sister come January.

~Lisa

Why?

I am not sure why it seems so difficult to write regular blog posts. Well, other than the fact that I don't really feel like I have all that much to say. Yet, here I am trying once again to entertain.

Things have been going great for our little family. Sweet Girl is 18 months old and as sweet as ever. Sometimes I wish I could clone her and have about 7 more, then she starts to throw a full body tantrum and I change my mind. Oh yes, the full body fits are fun to deal with and take a lot of skill on the parents' side. Not only are you trying to get your kid to stop the tantrum but you are also trying to keep the kid from hurting his or herself by banging their little heads on the floor/table/bed/wall/tub/concrete/you name it. I'm sure I never caused my mom so much trouble, she must have gotten this trait from her daddy. (I'm joking, of course.) Even despite the crazy Toddler Tantrums she is the most precious thing I've ever seen. Not biased at all here.

The past few weeks she has decided she wants to hug and kiss all.the.time. I love it! Her daddy loves it too. I see such sweetness and innocence in her and I hope she will always be that sweet and innocent.

Sweet Man and I made the decision before we even had little girl that we would homeschool her when the time comes. I have been thinking about it alot lately and trying to do a little research online for different curriculums and resources. It really is overwhelming! Now I most likely will not start anything with her until she is 3 or 4, so I have at least a year and half to get my head wrapped around the enormous responsibility this will be. Obviously, things could always change so it is not 100% definite that we will be homeschooling, but it is what we are planning on. If you have taught your children at home or have ever taken time to research the possibility you'll understand where I'm coming from when I say it is overwhelming. There is just so much information out there to weed through. I think, at least to start, what I need is curriculum that includes everything I would need for a year. Now to find a good one for preschool age. Again, I have a year and a half I just really like to be prepared.

So that is a tidbit of what has been on my mind lately. I hope your life is just as peachy.

~Lisa